Passports…

5/2/2008

Last week, I go to the passpost office, with Kate, for her to get her passport in order. I bring mine along, which had been through a washing machine not me. They tell me I need it replaced. Shit.

I come by the next day, having hit all the stops on the way to make it a smooth sailing unlike the day before. I get pictures taken, I get a cashier’s check no fucking credit cards taken? wtf?, I fill out all the forms. They tell me I need my citizenship certificate, that no form mentioned.

No problem – my mother has all those thing, she’s really neat and tidy, keeps them all in a big filing cabinet. Not messy at all like me. I’ll pick them up when I go down for sunday dinner. Make an appointment to return Monday, pay all the bills up front so all I have to do is walk in, hand over the paper and wait for the mail to come.

Mother doesn’t have my certificate of citizenship. Pulls apart the house. Says “Are you sure you don’t have it?” I know I don’t. Pull apart my house anyway, as act of solidarity.

I start making plans for a two week road trip across the American West instead. the lady at the office had been very specific: no citizenship certificate, no passport. Citizenship certificates take 3-4 months to acquire. They literally have to pull your records out of a hole in the ground: specifically, out of a re-purposed mineshaft in Utah.

So, just to make sure, I go to the office. Wait my turn, talk to the lady. Wait for her manager, talk to the manager, wait for her manager, she’s busy: talking to her manager in the main passport office about my case.
They say, take all my papers, print out my ticket, go to the other office, here’s a reservation, go on friday, state your case, good luck.

I lose my drivers license. Need it as ID. was taking it in and out of my pocket so many times all day that I mislaid it. Tear my house apart looking for it, it was in the pocket of my pants, the one pair I didn’t check.

I head down to the office, take all the papers, find parking downtown, go through metal detectors, go to window #1, take a deep breath, hand them my appointment card, get ready to state my case and…

The lady walks away before I can say anything, comes back with my new passport. Tadaah…

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